Today I Bottomed for a Hot Basketball Player and Now My Whole Life Makes Sense Again (You Have 304 New Messages)
Just had an amazing hook up and I don't meant to be, like, that guy
...but I'm no longer depressed.
HEAR ME OUT.
It's not that I'm no longer depressed because I got laid... but it's like... I sort of get it now??? And all it took was some dick to get me there.
But not just any dick. Hot basketball player dick. Dick that is WAY out of my league.
But I got it. And he was, like... happy. Like it was great for BOTH parties.
EVEN THOUGH HE'S WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
I hear you. "What the absolute FUCK does this have to do with you being depressed?
"Because you being depressed was never about a dry spell with guys, it was about a dry spell with writing and creative progress and growing an audience and blah blah blah"
BUT HERE'S THE THING.
This guy has been trying to hook up with me forever. And vice versa.
But it just didn't work out for a couple of different reasons.
At first when he hit me up he was looking for something tooooootally different than what I go for in a hook up or FWB or whatever.
So it was a full NEXT.
But then, like, because he's the hottest guy ever we kept hitting each other up and still nothing was happening.
Like, one of us would ghost the other, or one of us would say something that the other one was like, "eh, this isn't what I'm looking for," and then we'd move on.
But then today it happened.
And it was AMAZING.
Like, it was EXACTLY what I look for in a hook up!
And from what I could tell from his end, he felt the same way.
We were so in sync that he was able to actually navigate that tricky area where like you know what someone wants better than what they're actually saying. Like, not just in terms of going further with something but in terms of backing off of something they say they're comfortable with as well. UGH!!!! Amazing.
Also, not to segue, but the entire bottoming segment was actually about me for once which was crazy and afterwards we laid down and he napped and he snored like a purring lion and twitched in his sleep like a 4th grader desperately trying to block in Mortal Kombat.
It was adorable.
ANYWAY. Back on track.
The whole point of all of this is not to brag (though, again: Super tall, super hot, perfect body.)
But INSTEAD to say... We both thought it wasn't going to work... And then all it took was us being in the right place at the right time.
And it might've been frustrating waiting to get to that right place right time, but it was worth it in the end. And it worked out in the end.
(And he worked me out in the end. SORRY, I'll stop.)
But, like, this translates to everything for me. I can't be frustrated that what I'm doing isn't delivering results, or that people don't seem to like it or care about it right now.
Because maybe right now isn't the right time for them to enjoy it.
And that doesn't mean that the work I'm doing isn't worth it, or isn't good.
It just means that I need to keep going at it, keep working at it, keep writing what I'm writing and putting it out into the world
and then eventually a hot guy with nice biceps will come along and top my writing, and it'll be beautiful.
Which, I guess technically I could've sped up this whole epiphany by just paying attention to that "Truth Hurts" meme on twitter.
But it's just such a huge time sink to get invested in any Lizzo meme
because then every time I see it I have to go listen to her entire discography three times in a row.
And I just don't have that kind of time now that I figured everything out again.
Were you ever into journaling?
I feel like I missed out on a whole part of life because I never officially got into journaling.
Like, okay, I guess you could call this technically a form of journaling
But I'm talking FULL ON every-night-before-you-go-to-bed, writing-down-all-of-your-thoughts-and-feelings-so-you-could-look-back-10-years-from-now-and-know-what-was-going-on kind of journaling
Like, I don't know... that was just never me. Like why would I want to remember what I'm doing right now? What am I even doing right now?
Playing The Sims and drinking too much coffee, probably! Same thing I was doing in the fourth grade and same thing I'll be doing while reading those journals ten years from now.
Except by then I'll be playing The Sims 8 which will only be playable in real time and I'll never make it past my 30s in-game because by then I'll be dead in real life.
Not from like old age or whatever, but just because I'll forget to feed myself and die of malnutrition.
Do you guys also remember the, like, eternal debate over whether to call it a journal or a diary in elementary school?
I always called it a diary. But then... we see how that turned out.
Anyway, now I call it a journal and I feel like it's truly me embracing the masculine side of my personality.
ALSO! IMPORTANT QUESTION.
oh my GOD!!!!!! The memories.
Now granted those memories are cut short for me because I only used my livejournal for about 4 posts before abandoning it, much like a real journal
but I remember the sheer drama of everybody's lives just being up and open for the world to read about.
Which is weird to think about because now that's, like, how we all live our lives. Which I'm totally cool with because I've always kind of lived in that space.
But it's kind of like if you were going to an underwear party and then your entire high school graduating class decided to come with.
Like, don't get me wrong, I appreciate that you've all joined me here and it's very flattering that you all, like, "get it" now... but we don't all need to exist like this.
I promise we don't all need to be okay with everyone knowing every single detail of their lives.
Just me. Okay?
We don't talk enough about how anxiety like, speeds up time to an insane degree
Like I woke up like 10 minutes ago, but it's actually been 2 hours. Does that make sense?
Wait, fuck, I just checked the time and it's been 2 and a half hours.
See, this is why I wake up like 4 hours early for work. I could honestly just blink and be late. It wouldn't even be my fault.
Also not to like side with baby boomer comics, but it absolutely has something to do with technology
because the other day I went out for a walk without my phone or my watch, and it felt like I was out there for days
like I walked so much that I was essentially living in the woods at that point (in... the middle of NYC)
and then when I finally got too hungry to go on and walked home, I looked at the clock and I was only gone for 45 minutes.
Like, what the hell is that? It felt like DAYS.
Anyway I just went for another life-affirming walk
because I really want to quit my job but can't like pin down how to do it exactly
and so I was keeping my eye out for any help wanted signs in like non-retail establishments.
Like, "Help Wanted: Need one inexperienced, unqualified Life Coach" or something like that, I guess
anyway I was fully in the middle of a quarter-life-crisis/about-to-cry-while-walking-the-streets-of-NYC-meltdown while half-looking for help wanted signs and half-on-Grindr-looking-for-tops and then this happened!
And I gotta say, I've never been more disappointed by a typo correction in my life.
For a brief moment I really was like, "HOW DID THIS HOT MAN KNOW I WAS JOB HUNTING? THANK YOU GOD!"
It was really a big let down. Which isn't his fault, because he had no idea what was happening.
But still. Anyways, the point is the walk wasn't the same when I had my phone on me because I just spent the entire time on a constant cycle checking every dating app that has ever been invented.
Also towards the end of my walk I started thinking about that video of the woman banging on the bus door singing opera at the bus driver
and so then I just ended up watching that on my walk home instead.
And I also thought about just, like, quitting and living off of what I have saved up
which I could totally do, by the way.