If you're anything like me you literally didn't realize a week had passed and so that's why you're writing this post at 6PM instead of at 10AM like normal. Oops. But here we go!
You’re an entry-level god given the tedious task of creating new life after the human race killed themselves off for the tenth time. You’re annoyed that this keeps happening, and this time you want to try something new. Is your supervisor looking?
You’re in a room working diligently on something. Out of the corner of your eye you see a snake slither out of one of the outlets in the wall.
You, the treasure, sigh. Another adventurer approaches, ready to open the chest and loot its insides. Just one more person that can’t identify a mimic upon first sight. You ready yourself for your attack and think back to how this all went wrong.
You are but a lonely frog trying to cross a dangerous road to get to the other side. You narrowly avoid a car, make it onto a floating log, and are making good time. Suddenly a barrel comes hurtling towards you.
He’s tinkering with the watch you brought in, but it won’t stop moving backwards. No matter how hard he tries. You’re fearful, as you know what this means.
You sit on the balcony of your apartment in the city, looking off into the calm sunrise surrounded by rooftops. Out of the corner of your eye you see movement on the roof a few buildings over. You recognize this as the building your recent date lives in. You note that the figures on top are wearing ceremonial clothing as they form a circle and drop someone from the building onto the street below.
The customer isn’t happy. The tonic she bought from you had the exact opposite effect that she wanted, and now her life is upside down. What are you going to do to make it up to her, she wants to know. And, no, a coupon won’t do.
Ryan C. Robert is the writer of multiple comedy blogs, most of which are satirical and self-deprecating. He writes about his life in his personal essay series "Before Color," parodies cooking blogs in "Trish's Dishes" and posts writing prompts every single day.