The Name Of This Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavor May Have Inadvertently Revealed Classified Information About Area 51 (Day 2)
I literally opened my drafts folder and this was just sitting in there. No text. No context.No explanation. Just this title. I wish I could explain this to you, but I can't. My mind... is just too powerful.
Today I'm wearing pants in bed because I thought if I wore pants it would help me sit down and concentrate, but I didn't want to sit at my desk because then I'd get distracted by my Switch. And technically it is working. It could have something to do with how deeply uncomfortable I am because the pants are far tighter than any pair of pants have the right to be. And not in good places either. Not in butt places. It's tight, like, right in the leg elbow. So that it feels like someone is always stretching rubber bands on the backs of your knees just 24/7. It's incredibly ouch, but also, like, super good at getting me to abide by my own schedule.
The one thing that really hurts for me, personally, is that I'm not the kind of person that can just listen to music or ambient sounds in order to help myself write. Because then I'd be unstoppable. I could make any writing schedule for myself and stick to it if that were the case. But no. I'm terrible at mentally multi-tasking, so as soon as I start listening to anything the entire rest of my bodily functions just shut down. I can't even watch a good TV show while eating for that same reason. I'm either eating, or I'm watching. Not both. Never both.
I know what you're thinking. "HA! Does that mean you can't chew gum and walk at the same time?" And the answer is I haven't tried, because I would never put anyone through the trauma of listening to me chew gum in public. When I have gum in my mouth I'm a monster. One time I accidentally chewed a piece of Orbit in front of my co-worker while I was on break and he asked me if everything was okay, because the sheer SPEED and FEROCITY with which I was attacking the gum in my mouth was scaring him.
There's no end to this post because there was never any beginning. That's art. So I'm going to go order delivery and play 13 hours of Rimworld. Pantsless, thank you very much. Because I'll be off the clock.
Ryan C. Robert is the writer of multiple comedy blogs, most of which are satirical and self-deprecating. He writes about his life in his personal essay series "Before Color," parodies cooking blogs in "Trish's Dishes" and posts writing prompts every single day.