Do you ever think about the fact that some people's sleep schedules are so normal that they don't even need alarm clocks?
That is so fucked up.
They just get to wake up gently and normally while here I am
waking up to Pinball going off at 8am, 8:05, 8:07, 8:10, 8:11,
8:11 again because I accidentally made a second alarm and never deleted the first one,
8:13, etc, etc.
Also? Same outrage but directed at people with full nighttime routines.
Imagine having a ROUTINE to go to sleep, rather than just passing out watching youtube videos with all of the lights on
and then waking up to find out that you accidentally launched your laptop across the room mid-sleep?
I read some nighttime routine where someone said they clean for an hour every night before they go to bed.
I have so many questions. Because I've thought about doing that but I ran into too many problems.
Like, A) How are you planning that? How do you know when you're gonna fall asleep in an hour?
B) Aren't you TIRED during that? I can't clean when I'm tired. I can barely do it when I'm fully awake. and C) when do you schedule time to scroll through Grindr with zero intention of following through on anything you say at that time
not because you don't want to do it, but just because it's 2am and who in their right mind is actually going out to hook up at 2am on a Monday night?
I just don't get it.
Also, now that I'm typing it out, I realize part of my problem might be that I'm consistently up until 2am on a Monday night.
Which might be totally cool for you if you're a night person
but I'm not.
I'm a morning person 100%. I'm just way more productive in the morning than I am at night.
And I also found out that, in order to not be stressed at work, I need at least two hours of free time before I go in.
So that means waking up four hours before work every morning. Two hours to wake up, drink coffee, and do whatever I need to do in the morning,
then one hour to get ready (even though it only takes me 15 minutes)
then one hour to get to work (even though it only takes me 20 minutes.)
Which sounds like an alarmingly responsible schedule for me and a very structured use of my time,
except that all of that extra time gets soaked up in me watching vine compilations and every video Megan Stalter has ever made in her entire life.
And though I wouldn't personally describe that as irresponsible? People have different opinions, and that's fine.
Ryan C. Robert is the writer of multiple comedy blogs, most of which are satirical and self-deprecating. He writes about his life in his personal essay series "Before Color," parodies cooking blogs in "Trish's Dishes" and posts writing prompts every single day.