Escort, Go!

Dear Glork,

Long time reader, first time writer. I’m Odilia Clare, a noblewoman that was captured by bandits and held for ransom in the abandoned Barrenwood Keep. I was recently rescued by a hero who took on my side quest from my brother back in Restinn Town. She came through the keep and took down the bandits before talking to me and telling me to follow her so she could return me to my brother. The problem, Glork, is that… I think she’s gotten a bit sidetracked since then. Or… maybe even lost. Which would be fine if I felt comfortable talking to her and redirecting her, but we’ve mostly been traveling through nearby forests and I keep getting stuck walking into trees, forcing her to double back. She’s getting increasingly frustrated with me, especially if we’re crossing a river or encountering an enemy, as I’ll often die and she’ll have to wait for me to respawn. Because of her frustrations it’s becoming hard to remind her that I do still need to get home.
How can I help get her back on track with my side quest without annoying her further?

Thanks in advance,
Escort, Go!

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Dear A Scared Goat,
I am understadnging of this bad bad situation miss Yodel Care. Glork has seen heroes that are very bad at side quests even Glork owns side quast. Here is a story from my Glork experianc: Glork goes to caves in Azurath wanting to find good Nag jellys to slurp on with pretty healer girl Ilalleath. Glork make its halfway into cave when attacked by giant horde of Nags! No!

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Glork is backed into corners and snaps big face and claws at Nags to tell them leave me alone. Nags do not care about Glork’s big big face and throw webs on Glork. Glork is stiecky now and hates it. I have been defated and must wait for someone to come save Glork. Normally Glork texts Orfal about this and says come cast death plague on Nags, but new season of Bleck Mirror come outs at this time and Orfal watching Nosedive (very goods episode.) 

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All of sufgdden Hero comes into cave and I think ok yes Glork is saved finally. But hero walks right past Nags and Glork! But I think maybe he does not see me because of all the web, so Glork calls out, “Greetings traveler, I have so many swords for you and gold if you make Glork not sticky.” Hero stops and does sit animation 5 times in a row before he runs past Nags and Glork! Glorks think to himself, this is big hero with small face that everyone so haoppys about and give so many armors to? This is Glork origins story of why I becam a life couch so that Glork can help like sitting heroes did not. 

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​So here is Glorks ultimate advice for you: First and firstmoist if trees is getting you sticky kill them. Take any swords or axes or magic stick and hit the trees with it until theys die and then you can eat on they experianc points and become very haoppy and full of levels.

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​Second and secondmist if hero cannot remember thjat you have to go home try yelling out into her ears, “HELLO I HAFE TO GO home.” Usuaully human ears is really sensitive to being yalled into direactly so she will say “ow quiet pleas” and then she will see you and say “oh hello right I remmerb now GLork is so smart for giving you thas advice.” And then she will say “wow wow wow you wshould go buy Glorks swords form his shop and some armors lets go there first they haviang a sale” and then you will say a “yes that’s a idea we have so many golds now to spend at GLorks shop only and not anywhare else.” 
Thank you and you are wlecome for solving your whole life.

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​As always,
Glork knows best. You will buy all of Glork swords now with sale up to 3% off of salect stylus.
Love,
Glork.