You may know me from the merchant conventions, my name is Leota Gram and I’m a traveling general merchant. I mainly follow the hero around wherever he goes and attempt to sell him general wares. The odd potion here, a grenade there. And with each new place I have to inflate my prices in order to keep up with the travel fees. The problem is, the hero seems to naturally find these things on his journeys and never needs to buy them. Instead, he just uses me to sell his things. I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want them and that I can’t make a living this way, because every time I try I get anxious about hurting his feelings. Now I am in severe debt and my business is crumbling.
Help me, please, Glork!
None Of My Gold Can Stay
Dear Evil Yucky Gold Slayer,
You go away from this page! Leota Gram is evil wizards woman who tries to steal business ideas from innocent Orfal. Leota Gram sells potions and spells but does Leota have big face like Orfal? No, Leota has small face and no snappy claws like precious Orfal. Leota doesn’t even have pretty face and healer hands like healer girl Ilalleath.
Leota deserves to have the hero not buy her wares because her wares are bad wares. Her wares arre cheap wares! Cheap like bad not cheap like a good deal, Glork must stress this. Leota has no good deals, not deals like Orfal has at her shop Orfal’s Good Paowerful Spells For Cheap Golds (that is the name, give it a good yelps revieew thank you.)
Here is what Glork thinks Leota should do to have a baetter life through Glork’s coachings: Go away! Go far away to a distant place with nobody theres. Then Leota will be happy and everyone else will be happy too. And Leota will have the biggest face of everyone on the lands because she will be the only ones with a face. Leota can buy her own overpriced wares on this island and sell them to herself too. No pesky heroes, no pesky Leota. I think this is best advice Glork ever gave. You are welcomas.
Glork knows best. You will listen to Glork.
Glork Squishwood is a Life Coach that specializes in helping other NPCs from RPGs reach their full potential. Glork, a Mantis blacksmith, was once trapped in the caves of Azurath, surrounded by an infestation of Nags. After a hero walked by him, ignoring his side quest, Glork decided he wanted to pursue a career in Life Coaching, to encourage other NPCs to become independent and less reliant on untrustworthy heroes.