"Warrior4Warrior"

​Hello Glork,
I’m an anonymous warrior from the neighboring village of Bestleville. As you know, this is a starter village that doesn’t really have a lot of big beefy warrior men like myself. This presents a bit of a problem for me in the dating scene as I’m now searching for a warrior companion that can back me up in battle and in bed, if you catch my drift. Because of the lack of a dating pool here in Bestleville I was thinking of reaching out to the traveling hero to try and help me find my match, but I’m open to other options. What do you suggest?
Best,
Warrior4Warrior

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​Dear wormier for wario,
“No,” says Glork. You do not needs hero for finding of love with fighter man. Glork suggests using new love app Fightr. Download app onto magic phone and find hot singles in your area that will fight you 1v1 and kiss you 1v1 on your big face. If you have a small face don’t fret Glork sisters Orfal has a potion for you to make your face very long and green to attract handsome fighters and eat lots of jelly. This will make you very very happy and very very not lonely. Trust in Glork, I am a master of loves.

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​If you do not get medssages on Fightr it is because you show too much torsos not enough thorax. Show only thorax for maximnum loves and then maybe show one snappy claw to be flirty. Only one!!!! I know this formulas very well because Glork studies dating books. 

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Also maybe Glork sughgesrt you stop looking for big beefy boy and looking for snappy claws thin shell boy instead. Maybe he is good blacksmith you never know maybe he can make you good swords you mnever know! 

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Glork is sunggesting you create an apps profile and say “looking” first so that other warriors know that you have eyes and can see them if theys attack. Then you maybes write “travel preferred” because you like to go to oteher towns and don’t wants to stay in breadville where you live. Then final stap is Glork says put “1 on 1 or groups” so that warriors know you will fight them alls if they snapping ytheir claws at you too many times even if there is many swarms of thems. 

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​These are all the secrets to get you boys to kiss on your face. Glork is glad to have solved all your lifes problems all at once wow I am good at my jobs.

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​As always,
Glork knows best. You will listen to Glork.
Eggplanet emotion,
Glork.