The Totally Logical Fear Of Your Body Falling Apart
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Scrumptious Tofu Scramble (INCLUDED: Perfect final bite!)

12/11/2018

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         Does anyone else do this, where you sit down with a freshly cooked meal and immediately locate the best looking portion and push it aside to save as the perfect final bite? Or is that just me? I just did that with this delicious meal I made for myself and the fam, and the last little morsel was so so SO good! It feels like my morning isn’t complete without that perfect breakfast bite.
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Most of you guys know I’ve been obsessed with teriyaki and tofu lately, so today I decided to combine those two into a cute little breakfast scramble. I did cheat a little bit on this one, but don’t tell! I was at the grocery store when I saw this pre-baked teriyaki tofu and I screeched so loud that Saarthrul rose from my shadow thinking I was being attacked and began to lift the flames of hell around me. He loves his mommy so much. Not the best to have raging hellfire surrounding you when you’re in the produce aisle, but he means well and the Whole Foods staff was really understanding. They even gave me a Trader Joe’s coupon to use the next time I shop, which I thought was odd since they’re a competitor but I’m completely coo-coo for coupons, so I’ll take it!
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        The first step in our scrumptious scramble is to prep the tofu. Now, if you’re a lazy Lisa like me you thought ahead to how tired you’d be after a long night of ritualistic chanting to dispel the holy beam of light a group of ancient monks have cast into your home to destroy your demon child, and so you bought some pre-baked pre-marinated tofu. Total game-changer. If not, don’t fret! You can simply drain the moisture from the tofu by placing it between two paper towels and weighing it down with something heavy for approx. 30 minutes, then soak it in whatever marinade you want for the same amount of time (I suggest teriyaki as it worked really well in this recipe.) After that you’re going to bake the tofu at 400° for about 40 minutes, flipping at the 20 minute mark. ​

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      Step 2: Heat some butter in a pan on medium-high heat. You want it to be sizzling hot and golden brown, as that’s going to really crisp your tofu up nicely and give it that perfect browned exterior with the soft, meaty inside. While this is going you can chop up any fresh veggies you have laying around. I went for some mushrooms and broccoli, classic staples in every dish I make. I just can’t help myself!
     Load that tofu into the pan and listen to that satisfying
tsssssssssss!!! Antoinav makes fun of me because I always say that it sounds like a light wave crashing on the beach when you’re laying out in the sand. He says it sounds more like a gas leak, which is so him to say that. Saarthrul says it sounds like the last gasping breath of a cobra before he opens his third jaw and swallows it whole. This is how you know I live with two boys. (I don’t count Skipper because he runs around my feet while I’m doing my nails and gossips with me, so he’s basically one of the girls.)

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      When the tofu is golden brown on one side, flip it over and let it cook for a minute or two before adding in the rest of your veggies. You’re gonna want to have something to distract you while this cooks because otherwise you’ll find yourself drooling into the pan like I was! It just smells so damn good! Once the dish is almost fully cooked, turn down the heat and crack 2 eggs right into the pan. Now... Start scrambling! ​
      Once your eggs are sufficiently scrambled and your dish is deliciously mixed, it’s time to plate it, locate that perfect final bite, and take a pic! Once that last bite has you drooling, as I know it will, make sure to pop down to the comment section below and let me know how obsessed you are! Enjoy, Trishinators!!!
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INGREDIENTS:
¼ block tofu
Teriyaki marinade
1 tablespoon butter
1 cup freshly chopped veggies
2 eggs
1 really patient eater that can ​​hold off on that perfect bite!!!!
TRISH’S RATING: 10/10 perfect bites! That’s right, not just the last one ;)!
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ANTOINAV’S RATING: 10/10 gas leaks from my gassy man. (“Hey, don’t write that, Trish!”)

SAARTHRUL’S RATING: 4/5 seals broken on the monastery housing the monks that wish to bind Saarthrul. (“SOON I WILL FIND YOU AND THE LAST THING YOU WILL SEE IS THE GROWING SHADOW ON THE WALL. AND THAT IS HOW YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOUR TIME HAS COME AND THAT THE BOUNDLESS DARKNESS OF NABURATH WILL RISE ONCE MORE. SLEEP WELL, LAMBS.”)

SKIPPER’S RATING: 0/10 steaks. (“Tofu? I thought this was real meat! What gives, Mom?! Ruff ruff!”)
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    MEET TRISH:
    Queen of Food Blogs

    I’m Trish Vanhukinbus: Former iHop host applicant, turned rejected iHop host applicant, now spending all my time posting recipe blogs. I live with my husband, Antoinav Mcgillicuddy, our dog, skipper, and the ageless demon that’s possessed my and Antoinav’s only son, Saarthrul the Eviscerator. The four of us are a happy family living in a townhouse in Urbandale Iowa, surrounded by a circle of salt to keep Saarthrul from feeding on the flesh of those around us. Instead, we cook him extravagant meals at home, which we post here for your viewing pleasure! Enjoy our recipes as well as our and Saarthrul’s ratings on each one. Muah!

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