Spicy Buffalo Tofu Bites

      ​Who doesn’t love a good horde of buffalo bites! In our house buffalo definitely reigns supreme. Back when we first moved in together, Antoinav and I would routinely order up some buffalo wings and potato skins whenever the weekend rolled around. Then we’d settle in for a movie or a TV show and just enjoy that spicy finger-licking heaven. Now that I’m a part-time vegan and a full-time parent to an ageless demon with an unending need to torment the living, it’s a bit harder to have those peaceful weekends. Instead it usually turns into a board game night with bowls of cereal, up until Saarthrul begins to lose at Monopoly and summons a portal to the Naburathian void, attempting to displace our home in a kingdom of nightmare. He’s kind of a sore loser. He gets it from Antoinav. 
      But this Buffalo Tofu Bite recipe solves all of those problems. It skips the meat for me, keeps the heat for Antoinav, and the smell of cayenne pepper is a natural deterrent for Naburathian Shadow Hounds, so it helps keep them at bay while Saarthrul tries to roll doubles to get out of jail. Everybody wins! Except for Skipper, who is always sad when we have to lock him in our room while the Shadow Hounds are attacking. He doesn’t understand that while he wants to play, they want to tear him limb from limb. Silly lil guy!

     I know I’m a broken record at this point, but I really cannot suggest pre-baked tofu enough. It is a life-saver if you don’t want to spend an extra hour draining and baking your tofu. I’m sure one day I’ll buy out all the pre-baked tofu from my grocery store and have to include a recipe on cooking it from scratch, but that day is not today! So slice open that package of pre-baked yumminess and cube it up. 
     ​It’s always funny to me when I start slicing tofu because Saarthrul will almost always use that as an opportunity to rise from the shadows and try to sweet talk me into getting what he wants. “THIS KNIFE WILL BE WHAT YOU USE TO COMPLETE THE DARK RITUAL AND JOIN ME IN THE KINGDOM OF SHADOW. YOU WILL RULE AS THE NEW SHADOW MOTHER WHEN YUNALETH ASCENDS TO HER ROLE AS THE GOD OF THE BLACKENED AIR AND HUMANITY WILL KNEEL BEFORE YOUR NEW ELDRITCH FORM” he says to me. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough with the compliments, you’re not getting extra molten tar on your dessert.” And then he slinks away. He thinks he’s so slick.
      Once your tofu is in cubes, pour on a healthy dose of buffalo sauce (I used Frank’s Red Hot), some chicken seasoning, and a healthy sprinkle of paprika, then cover it and let it sit in the fridge for about 15-30 minutes to marinate, depending on how patient you are. (Uh, hint at how patient I am: NOT AT ALL. It’s why Antoinav always wins during board game night. I get bored waiting for everybody to place their little monopoly houses and I end up spacing out. One time I caught Saarthrul using that as a chance to steal a stack of 100s from me, but when I pointed it out he opened his third jaw and released the wails of a thousand years of tortured souls on my ears until the paint peeled from the walls. So I told him to keep the money as our little secret.)

​      Next you’re gonna pop some butter in a pan over medium heat, and then toss in your tofu once it’s hot! Make sure it crisps up on all sides before scooping it out of the pan and popping it in a bowl with some more hot sauce. Toss it around, put it on your plate with some blue cheese sauce, and get ready to indulge in the best bite of your life! It's as simple as that. Enjoy, Trishinators!

INGREDIENTS:
1 block of pre-baked tofu

1 cup of Frank's Red Hot Sauce

A sprinkle of chicken seasoning

Some extra monopoly money in case the Naburathian portal singes the ends of the ones you're playing with
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A dollop of blue cheese

1 tbsp butter

TRISH'S RATING: 10/10 perfect weekend snacks. Mm, mm, good!

ANTOINAV'S RATING: 10/10 happy husbands with stinky buffalo breath!

SAARTHRUL'S RATING: 1/10 sore losers. "YOU FOOL. YOU THINK IT WISE TO MOCK ME IN MY TIME OF SUFFERING? WHEN I, DARK PRINCE OF NABURATH, KINGDOM OF SHADOWS, PASS GO AND COLLECT MY $200 AND PAY OFF MY DEBTS YOU SHALL BEND YOUR KNEE BEFORE ME!"
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SKIPPER'S RATING: 5/6 fiery lil puppy mouths. "Ouch ouch ouch I accidentally ate one ouch ouch!!!!!! Ruff ruff!"